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The Last Few Days

Bentley continues to grow and be cuddly.

Our hydrangea bush is in full bloom.

The guys were away for a few days on business so we had a girls’ night. We ate girly food – chicken-pear paninis, fruit salad, affogatos, and these rich chocolate, caramel desserts that I can’t remember the name of.

I’ve just finished reading Beth Moore’s “So Long, Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us” and am in the middle of “Your Best You” and a collection of P.G. Wodehouse stories. Mom recommended the first book and I wasn’t disappointed. So, I’m going to be a bit vulnerable and tell you how “So Long, Insecurity” affected me.
First of all, as long as I can remember, I’ve been afraid of what people think of me. I frequently think, “I want to talk to…but I have no idea what to say. I don’t have anything to offer and she dresses so nicely, is so thin, is so talented, has so many friends, etc.” Therefore, I give up on talking to someone before I’ve started and feel guilty. Silly, I know. But, at that moment, it makes complete sense and, as with any habit, is my default mode. Of course, the first thing that must be done is to recognize that I have a problem. (Yes, I raise my hand in full admission.) And then pray for grace from our dear Father. Thankfully, God teaches us through other believers and promises to complete His work in us. So, as I said, I’ll share with you what I learned through the book and what I hope will reset my default mode.
I’ll use the definition Beth Moore uses to clarify what I’m sharing:
“Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt…Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or women lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.”
Not a pretty description.
In a later chapter, she summarizes our relationship with God by saying,
“Let Him tell you you’re worth wanting, loving, even liking, pursuing, fighting for, and yes, beloved, keeping.”
And you know what? I began thinking about how God chose me before the foundation of the world – before I had an opportunity to influence his opinion of me. He chose me to receive the blessings in Christ because of Christ. Therefore, anything I do or don’t have is due to God alone. In light of this, how can I live in constant fear of rejection when my Creator and Savior loves me in spite of myself? He will never, ever let me go.
Let me go ahead and state the obvious: My insecurity is rooted in fear and pride. How absolutely hideous and intertwined are these two sins. I’ve wrapped them around my heart and mind and pushed in their evil roots until I cannot feel and think apart from them. I am not so naive as to think it’s not going to hurt when God is pulling them out.
The roots to be removed: comparing myself with others (usually resulting in jealousy), “hiding” in order to avoid the possibility of being embarrassed, guilting myself into things because of what others might think, and constantly thinking of myself.
What a massive undertaking!
“Thank God we don’t have to wait until we feel more secure to start acting more secure. That’s the heart of living by faith until we live by sight. We act on the basis of scriptural fact and supernatural power rather than mercurial feelings…We will always have triggers of insecurity, but we get to decide whether or not we’re going to take the bait.”
And so it boils down to trusting God. Did He give us what He wanted us to have? Did He put us in our current environment? Is giving and taking away His right? Do I trust Him to be glorified and make everything work out for good? In the end, I have to answer, “yes!”
Even if I lose those who are dearest to me, can I still trust God? Even if I’m rejected, can I still trust God? Even if others think poorly of me, can I still trust God? Yes. Why?
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. (Ps. 138:8)
We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (Rom. 8:28-31)
The weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We…take every thought captive to obey Christ. (1 Cor. 10:4-5)
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9)
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Eph. 3:20-21)
As I reread what I just wrote , the words to this hymn came to mind:
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
Refrain:
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
Praise God that, because of Christ, we can stand faultless before His throne!

Updates

The little dude is getting bigger. I’ve started measuring his food so he gets healthfully bigger!

While the guys were playing an Xbox game, Bentley and I watched Pride & Prejudice.

He didn’t make it to the end of the movie.

Our two magnolia trees are blooming like crazy. I’m fascinated with the magnificent flowers.

So, why not include them inside?

Landscaping

Before

After

After spending many hours in the yard, we’re pretty much done. Mark worked the hardest, digging up sod to expand the beds and pounding in the edging. The plants I’m most excited about are the peonies and the weeping cherry.

Home Projects

Mark bought this box for me last week. Isn’t it so cool? Using the orchid planting kit he gave me earlier, I added leftover bark to fill the box and moss to top it off. Then, I salvaged two flowers from a wilting arrangement. Overall, I thought it made a nice centerpiece for our dining room table. However, tragedy in the form of a certain kitten struck. A little someone must have gotten his claw stuck in the table runner during the night and pulled everything off the table. The pieces of the box will be going away with the garbage truck tomorrow morning.

While we were at Biltmore, we bought two little owls. So adorable!

Since I’m working full time, have a final exam, three graduation parties, and house guests in the next two weeks, I’ve added a few more things to do. (What am I thinking?!)

First, touch-up the living room/dining room walls. Here’s an example of my first spackling job.

Yes, that’s a spray paint can on the table. We’re going to landscape the front yard. Mark painted lines where a flowerbed is going to be expanded or created.

Third, I’m going to paint the bedroom. Little boy blue isn’t our favorite so I got a sample of red paint today. The picture shows it brighter than it really is. (Aren’t you glad?) So, more spackling. And once everything is dry, we’ll hang our curtains.

And I’m crocheting a new throw for the living room couch. Perhaps once all this is over, I’ll recover under this throw for an entire day. Maybe…

Biltmore

Mark hadn’t been to Biltmore and I’d been once years ago during Thanksgiving break. We decided to spend the day there before returning home. First, we toured the house. It’s pretty impressive and ridiculously huge. While on the tour, one guide motioned toward a couple paintings and said, “And here are two Renoirs by Rembrandt.” I think he needs to go over his script. :) When we finished (an hour and a half later), we thought we should see the gardens. However, the breeze was so cold that we had to buy sweatshirts in the shop first before heading outdoors. So, we got Biltmore sweatshirts and looked tourist-y. Right now the main garden attraction is the tulips.

Our favorite part of Biltmore (and a surprise to us) was the trails around the estate. We eventually thawed out, shed our sweatshirts, and wandered the trails.

I may be wrong but I think that farthest peak is Mount Pisgah. Apparently, Vanderbilt originally owned land all the way to Mount Pisgah. After he passed away, his wife sold off a good amount of the property to the state and now that area is a national park.

While sitting on a bench by this lake, a couple with two adorable kids came by. The little girl said, “Look Mommy, a fish! Should we throw him a flower?!” :)

At the end of our walk, we decided that we had had a jolly good jaunt.

On Saturday, we drove down the mountain into Asheville and headed for one of the coffee shops that the TomTom pointed out. Having blissfully slept in, we missed the breakfast at the inn. After finishing our drinks and muffins and acclimating to the Asheville culture, we headed out to wander the streets. We went through some art galleries. One in particular had some great pieces that would look fantastic in our house. The prices convinced us to keep walking.

We went to most of the bookstores. (Sorry Mom, still didn’t find the hedgehog book.) We didn’t get anything but it was good to smell the old books and be reminded of ones we’ve read.

We came across a couple churches on a side street and probably would have toured them, if they’d been open.

And another bookstore. We wondered if the bell was to ring for service. This bookstore also provides drinks and food.

After seeing this red chair, we considered getting a couple for our living room which is in great need of additional seating. We’re pretty sure we saw some like that in various colors at World Market. I’m not sure if I’m brave enough to get the red, although I like it…a lot.

We had an early dinner at Tupelo Honey Cafe. We’ve heard great things about it and joined the line in front before it opened. It was really good! We shared a fried goat cheese plate as an appetizer. I can’t remember what Mark got (probably some sort of steak) because I was chowing down on grilled cheese and tomato soup. It sounds simple but I got to pick which two cheese I wanted and the tomato soup was real (not like Campbell’s). And then we finished off by splitting a piece of pecan pie. Good thing we walked around all day!

(I apologize for the quality if the pictures. They’re straight from my iPhone.)

Asheville

We’re in Asheville for the weekend. We drove up after work, winding through the mountains, and entering the frightenly narrow drive to Sourwood Inn. Sourwood Inn might be the most charming place I’ve ever been. It’s built near the top of a mountain, secluded and peaceful. The view from the windows and verandas are spectacular. We slept with the veranda door open, letting in the mountain air while the fire gradually died in the fireplace. I think I could quite happily live here.

The view from the veranda.

This is the coolest bathroom I may have ever seen. To the right is the open shower.

I want a faucet like this!

Lazy Goat

If you ever go to Lazy Goat, I recommend trying their heirloom tomato, buffalo cheese, basil pizza. It’s very fresh and flavorful.

Yummy

One of my all time favorite meals is taco salad…without lettuce. I could eat it every week. The colors, textures, and flavors make me very happy.

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