I’ve just finished reading Beth Moore’s “So Long, Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend to Us” and am in the middle of “Your Best You” and a collection of P.G. Wodehouse stories. Mom recommended the first book and I wasn’t disappointed. So, I’m going to be a bit vulnerable and tell you how “So Long, Insecurity” affected me.
First of all, as long as I can remember, I’ve been afraid of what people think of me. I frequently think, “I want to talk to…but I have no idea what to say. I don’t have anything to offer and she dresses so nicely, is so thin, is so talented, has so many friends, etc.” Therefore, I give up on talking to someone before I’ve started and feel guilty. Silly, I know. But, at that moment, it makes complete sense and, as with any habit, is my default mode. Of course, the first thing that must be done is to recognize that I have a problem. (Yes, I raise my hand in full admission.) And then pray for grace from our dear Father. Thankfully, God teaches us through other believers and promises to complete His work in us. So, as I said, I’ll share with you what I learned through the book and what I hope will reset my default mode.
I’ll use the definition Beth Moore uses to clarify what I’m sharing:
“Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt…Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or women lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.”
Not a pretty description.
In a later chapter, she summarizes our relationship with God by saying,
“Let Him tell you you’re worth wanting, loving, even liking, pursuing, fighting for, and yes, beloved, keeping.”
And you know what? I began thinking about how God chose me before the foundation of the world – before I had an opportunity to influence his opinion of me. He chose me to receive the blessings in Christ because of Christ. Therefore, anything I do or don’t have is due to God alone. In light of this, how can I live in constant fear of rejection when my Creator and Savior loves me in spite of myself? He will never, ever let me go.
Let me go ahead and state the obvious: My insecurity is rooted in fear and pride. How absolutely hideous and intertwined are these two sins. I’ve wrapped them around my heart and mind and pushed in their evil roots until I cannot feel and think apart from them. I am not so naive as to think it’s not going to hurt when God is pulling them out.
The roots to be removed: comparing myself with others (usually resulting in jealousy), “hiding” in order to avoid the possibility of being embarrassed, guilting myself into things because of what others might think, and constantly thinking of myself.
What a massive undertaking!
“Thank God we don’t have to wait until we feel more secure to start acting more secure. That’s the heart of living by faith until we live by sight. We act on the basis of scriptural fact and supernatural power rather than mercurial feelings…We will always have triggers of insecurity, but we get to decide whether or not we’re going to take the bait.”
And so it boils down to trusting God. Did He give us what He wanted us to have? Did He put us in our current environment? Is giving and taking away His right? Do I trust Him to be glorified and make everything work out for good? In the end, I have to answer, “yes!”
Even if I lose those who are dearest to me, can I still trust God? Even if I’m rejected, can I still trust God? Even if others think poorly of me, can I still trust God? Yes. Why?
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. (Ps. 138:8)
We know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? (Rom. 8:28-31)
The weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We…take every thought captive to obey Christ. (1 Cor. 10:4-5)
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Cor. 12:9)
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. (Eph. 3:20-21)
As I reread what I just wrote , the words to this hymn came to mind:
My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
When darkness veils His lovely face,
I rest on His unchanging grace;
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil.
His oath, His covenant, His blood
Support me in the whelming flood;
When all around my soul gives way,
He then is all my hope and stay.
When He shall come with trumpet sound,
Oh, may I then in Him be found;
Dressed in His righteousness alone,
Faultless to stand before the throne.
Refrain:
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand,
All other ground is sinking sand.
Praise God that, because of Christ, we can stand faultless before His throne!